Posts tagged ESPN

Boomer or Murphy: Whose side are you on?



Boomer or Murphy

I don’t like to run around and jump on bandwagons, but you probably saw the embarrassing stink that ESPN commentator Boomer Esiason caused when he railed against New York Mets outfielder Daniel Murphy. Murphy’s offense? Compromising his devotion to his team by missing two games to be with his wife for the birth of their first child. According to Esiason, Murphy should have insisted his wife schedule a C-section before the season started.

Public reaction was swift and strong about the imbalance between sports and family, but not against Murphy. Fans lowered the boom on Boomer, who also happens to be a family man (he’s been married to his wife Cheryl since 1986, and is a passionate dad).  To his credit, Boomer quickly and earnestly apologized, particularly for unnecessarily thrusting this couple’s life into the limelight.

Boomer’s not the only one in sports, media, entertainment, or business who would strongly criticize someone for not putting their professional duties and organizational duties first, particularly if you’re paid huge millions.

But Murphy’s decision reflects a change he has undergone in the past couple of years. His world used to revolve around baseball and himself. He poured everything into “being the man” in his sport, but two injury-plagued seasons brought him personal struggles that caused him to re-evaluate his identity and priorities. At that point, he recommitted his life to Christ and vowed not to let baseball define him.

Acting like Boomer or Murphy?

It’s  easy to criticize Boomer’s blatant disregard of the priority of being with your wife at the birth of your first (or any) child. You just don’t miss such a big event. But what about all the small things we do as husbands and fathers that elevate  our jobs over our family?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve failed to show up on time when I told my wife Stacy I’d be home for dinner, or just generally failed to show consideration for the one person who  gives so much for me. The lowlight was when I came back from a celebrity ski race  just long enough to drop off my laundry with Stacy and leave for a  boxing match in Las Vegas. Not my best chapter as a husband.

On my wedding day, if you showed me a list of the ways I would put Stacy and my boys in second place behind my work or hobbies, I probably would have been as critical of myself as you probably were of Boomer Esiason for his extreme position. It’s easy to let the pressures of life swallow up the best resolutions made as a new husband or father.

I fully understand the pressures that an intense job in a tight economy can inflict on the types of family choices a guy makes. Athletes feel it particularly intensely because they have teammates depending on them, coaches breathing down their necks, the critical gaze of fans, and a big contract that could disappear with an injury or release.

Sometimes the conflicts between work and home are unavoidable. When I was with the Seahawks, I remember a great tight end (who was also a great husband and father) joining the team mid-season. The week he arrived, we flew with the team for a  game against San Diego. We got phone calls from the airport that his wife was in labor. My wife was the only person she knew in town, so Stacy went with her to the hospital and was her coach in labor—what he would have been doing if he was there. The day-and-a-half road trip was just long enough to keep him from away from his wife as she gave birth in a brand new city 3,000 miles from home back east.

He hated it, but between the move, travel for the game and the timing of the labor, it was unavoidable. Daniel Murphy, though, was just exercising the right to a standard three-day league-guaranteed leave early in the season, when the stakes aren’t so high.

Bringing it home

Half the kids in America are growing up without the benefit of both parents at home, and there are so many challenges today to keeping marriage commitments front and center. It’s all the more important in this age to set an example and speak up to support the responsibility a man has, to be there for his family, even though some would say that’s shirking work responsibility.

So whether it’s  something big like keeping your travel schedule clear so you can be with your wife when she goes into labor, or something routine like making family dinner time a priority, you have the opportunity to model priorities for your co-workers and your family.  Take confidence knowing that your Father in Heaven blesses your decisions when you’re doing what He’s called you to do as a husband and father.

How about you? Have you had to make tough decisions to put your family ahead of your work?  Are there things you need to do that communicate to your family that they are the priority in your life?  I’d love to hear your story.

Inside the Manning legacy



Back in October, Scott Barkley at Fishers of Men blog had a particularly outstanding post about how one man took his ache for a strong father-son relationship and turned it into a great legacy. As we enter Super Bowl week, he’s given us permission to re-post this story of the Manning legacy. We hope it encourages you to make the little decisions that can make a great impact on the next generation. And if you haven’t seen The Book of Manning film by ESPN, we highly recommend it.

manning legacy

The Manning quarterbacking legacy. From right, dad Archie, and sons Peyton and Eli. Photo by Bill Frakes.

After his sophomore year at Ole Miss, Archie Manning had everyone’s attention. For starters, he’d just led the Rebels as quarterback in only his second year at school, a feat which didn’t happen a whole lot back then. In addition there was something in the air about the football team at the school – hope for a successful year.

All that would be challenged when he returned that summer to his hometown of Drew in the northwestern part of the state.

One day Archie came home and discovered the body of his father, Buddy. As it would for anyone, the moment and days to follow were defining in Archie’s life and as it would turn out, for so many more than he could possibly imagine. A good son, Archie felt his responsibility was to stay home and take up his father’s cotton business. This would be the same business that had fallen on hard times for Buddy Manning; the same business that demanded his time away from Archie’s athletic exploits at Drew High — the same business that Archie would surmise decades later in an ESPN Films special would play a part in his father’s decision to end his own life with a gun.

Jane Manning would have nothing of it and persuaded her only child to return to Oxford for his junior year. Helping Archie work through the return to Ole Miss at a time when school and football just didn’t seem as important was his girlfriend Olivia, who would later become his wife.

We never know what moments in time hang by a thread and how crucial they are to where things go. If Archie Manning stays home the likelihood is he grows up to be a decent cotton farmer who threw the prettiest spiral you ever seen at Drew High School. Maybe he ends up marrying Olivia, but there’s a good chance he doesn’t. Gone are those magical seasons at Ole Miss and the grainy films of Manning slithering through the backfield between would-be tacklers before connecting with a receiver downfield. Gone is the pro career and the all-Pro, Super-Bowl-winning sons. Gone would be the Manning legacy as we’ve come to know it.

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What we can learn from the aforementioned film “The Book of Manning” is not just what roads come from success and hard work, but those that appear through grief and disappointment. Archie Manning wouldn’t know how every time he saw an empty seat in the high school bleachers beside his mother – because his dad had to tend to business – that it would drive him to be the exact opposite. It wouldn’t become obvious until he was suffering through those awful seasons in New Orleans while Roger Staubach and Terry Bradshaw were enjoying the benefits of being surrounded by Pro-Bowlers. Even in those times, Archie considered himself a father before he was a professional football player.

And while many assumed his boys would be football players themselves, Archie contends that was never his plan. Sure, the home videos show them running through the backyard with their tiny-mite helmets and shoulder pads nearly swallowing up their bodies. That wasn’t Archie steering them, though, it was boys wanting to be like dad.

Which brings us back to small decisions, and the reflections that follow.

It’s easy for fathers to not remember little eyes are watching. After all, it seems they’re usually watching something else – the TV, their brother trying out his new rollerblades, the dog chase a squirrel. We can get lulled into thinking what we’re doing is slipping by unnoticed; the effect we’re having isn’t too big.

One of the biggest challenges for me as a father is making sure I spend enough time, real time, with each of my kids. So many other things at home demand my attention, not to mention that part of me declaring I deserve some time to myself. Doing the math brings it back into focus, though. My oldest is 11. At 12 years old your child starts pulling away from you. Friends, school, and the like increase their pull. She’s still in your home, but she’s less your little girl. At 18 she’ll probably be out of the house and in college. Your influence is still felt, but at that moment she’s largely in the world making her own decisions.

Legacies aren’t established in an instant. They take time and are built brick by brick through the small decisions we make every day, the way we respond to life.

ScottBarkleyScott Barkley is a deacon at First Baptist Church in Cartersville, Ga., where he maintains and writes for the men’s ministry website at Matthew419.net. He and his wife, Amy, have four children. You can find Fishers of Men on Facebook.

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