Posts by Scott Barkley

The courage not to cut the line



The following post first appeared on the Matthew 419 blog Fishers of Men: Catch the Life You’re Called to Live.

Navy Petty Officer 2nd Class Ryan Harris could have done what so many others would’ve.

At the bottom of a murky pond in Maryland last year, Harris was struggling for air and losing strength as his scuba diving partner, Petty Officer 1st Class James Reyher, became trapped in 150 feet of water under debris. Almost everything went wrong on the dive, reported the Virginian-Pilot newspaper. Equipment malfunctioned. Communications with sailors on the surface became garbled. According to the official report, Harris could’ve cut his line connected to Reyher and save himself.

Cut the Line

But he refused.

“Harris exhausted himself in an attempt to save Reyher,” said a military investigator in documents obtained by the Virginian-Pilot. “Both divers resisted the natural instincts of self-preservation, in order to expel his last breaths in an effort to save each other.”

The most powerful human instinct to overcome is self-preservation. It drives men and women – good ones – to do things they regret the rest of their lives when someone else had to pay a price. They may run or back away when someone needs help. They may ignore an obvious need. They may convince themselves someone else can step up and do it.

Or, they go against those instincts and become the hero even at a personal cost. In the case of Harris, a married father of two young daughters, it was the ultimate earthly price.

The cost of brotherhood

Men use the term “brother” to describe others they have no biological relation to. It comes at varying levels of sincerity. We’d like to think we’re the type of guy like Harris, choosing to stay with someone he surely considered a brother rather than leave. It’s an impossible call to make, though, unless you’ve actually been in a similar situation.

Do a search for “brotherhood” in the Bible and you’ll get a lot of responses, including:

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
    but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. ~Pro. 18:24

and …

Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. ~1 Pt. 2:17

There’s a crisis among men today having a lack of brotherhood. It happens easily. We get busy with home and work and before you know it you’ve lived in the same town for years and realize you still don’t really know many guys that well.

It’s all the more reason for re-establishing the importance of brotherhood among men, especially among Christian men. With each day the importance of guys who think in a Christlike mindset becomes more crystalized. We see the alternative in the major headlines around the world.

Being a brother requires some sacrifices in time and commitment. It requires risking friendships when someone has taken a step in the wrong direction. It requires us to not cut the line in those times it would be the easiest thing to do. From the Virginia-Pilot story (italics added):

“As he watched his air supply disappear, Harris could have cut the line connecting him to Reyher. That would have freed him. But neither man ever pulled out their knives, the investigator concluded.”

One more thing about Ryan Harris: his heroics weren’t discovered until the completion of the investigation 16 months after he died. For all that time it was an extremely tragic event that claimed the lives of two military servicemen with no one knowing the real story.

That’s something else about brotherhood – it’s done in anonymity. It doesn’t grow through expected pats on the back, but simply because. It grows by doing the things others wouldn’t.

ScottBarkleyScott Barkley is a deacon at First Baptist Church in Cartersville, Ga., where he maintains and writes for the men’s ministry website at Matthew419.net. He and his wife, Amy, have four children. 

 

STEPSeek - 10-point checklistYou just read the post The courage not to cut the line by guest poster Scott Barkley on the Stepping Up men’s blog

STEPThink - 10-point checklistAre there men who you would sacrifice your life for? Do you have men in your life who would do the same for you?

STEPEmbrace - 10-point checklistListen to John Vawter on FamilyLife Today broadcast discuss how to have High Performance Friendships with other men.

STEPPass - 10-point checklistSeriously consider organizing a Stepping Up 10-week study, so you can begin the process of connecting with other men

 

Inside the Manning legacy



Back in October, Scott Barkley at Fishers of Men blog had a particularly outstanding post about how one man took his ache for a strong father-son relationship and turned it into a great legacy. As we enter Super Bowl week, he’s given us permission to re-post this story of the Manning legacy. We hope it encourages you to make the little decisions that can make a great impact on the next generation. And if you haven’t seen The Book of Manning film by ESPN, we highly recommend it.

manning legacy

The Manning quarterbacking legacy. From right, dad Archie, and sons Peyton and Eli. Photo by Bill Frakes.

After his sophomore year at Ole Miss, Archie Manning had everyone’s attention. For starters, he’d just led the Rebels as quarterback in only his second year at school, a feat which didn’t happen a whole lot back then. In addition there was something in the air about the football team at the school – hope for a successful year.

All that would be challenged when he returned that summer to his hometown of Drew in the northwestern part of the state.

One day Archie came home and discovered the body of his father, Buddy. As it would for anyone, the moment and days to follow were defining in Archie’s life and as it would turn out, for so many more than he could possibly imagine. A good son, Archie felt his responsibility was to stay home and take up his father’s cotton business. This would be the same business that had fallen on hard times for Buddy Manning; the same business that demanded his time away from Archie’s athletic exploits at Drew High — the same business that Archie would surmise decades later in an ESPN Films special would play a part in his father’s decision to end his own life with a gun.

Jane Manning would have nothing of it and persuaded her only child to return to Oxford for his junior year. Helping Archie work through the return to Ole Miss at a time when school and football just didn’t seem as important was his girlfriend Olivia, who would later become his wife.

We never know what moments in time hang by a thread and how crucial they are to where things go. If Archie Manning stays home the likelihood is he grows up to be a decent cotton farmer who threw the prettiest spiral you ever seen at Drew High School. Maybe he ends up marrying Olivia, but there’s a good chance he doesn’t. Gone are those magical seasons at Ole Miss and the grainy films of Manning slithering through the backfield between would-be tacklers before connecting with a receiver downfield. Gone is the pro career and the all-Pro, Super-Bowl-winning sons. Gone would be the Manning legacy as we’ve come to know it.

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What we can learn from the aforementioned film “The Book of Manning” is not just what roads come from success and hard work, but those that appear through grief and disappointment. Archie Manning wouldn’t know how every time he saw an empty seat in the high school bleachers beside his mother – because his dad had to tend to business – that it would drive him to be the exact opposite. It wouldn’t become obvious until he was suffering through those awful seasons in New Orleans while Roger Staubach and Terry Bradshaw were enjoying the benefits of being surrounded by Pro-Bowlers. Even in those times, Archie considered himself a father before he was a professional football player.

And while many assumed his boys would be football players themselves, Archie contends that was never his plan. Sure, the home videos show them running through the backyard with their tiny-mite helmets and shoulder pads nearly swallowing up their bodies. That wasn’t Archie steering them, though, it was boys wanting to be like dad.

Which brings us back to small decisions, and the reflections that follow.

It’s easy for fathers to not remember little eyes are watching. After all, it seems they’re usually watching something else – the TV, their brother trying out his new rollerblades, the dog chase a squirrel. We can get lulled into thinking what we’re doing is slipping by unnoticed; the effect we’re having isn’t too big.

One of the biggest challenges for me as a father is making sure I spend enough time, real time, with each of my kids. So many other things at home demand my attention, not to mention that part of me declaring I deserve some time to myself. Doing the math brings it back into focus, though. My oldest is 11. At 12 years old your child starts pulling away from you. Friends, school, and the like increase their pull. She’s still in your home, but she’s less your little girl. At 18 she’ll probably be out of the house and in college. Your influence is still felt, but at that moment she’s largely in the world making her own decisions.

Legacies aren’t established in an instant. They take time and are built brick by brick through the small decisions we make every day, the way we respond to life.

ScottBarkleyScott Barkley is a deacon at First Baptist Church in Cartersville, Ga., where he maintains and writes for the men’s ministry website at Matthew419.net. He and his wife, Amy, have four children. You can find Fishers of Men on Facebook.

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