Sometimes we need encouragement in our quest to step up and be the men God has called us to be. Sometimes we need information, and sometimes we need training. Sometimes we need a mentor—someone who will show us how to be godly men, how to love our wives as Christ loves the church.
That’s what this list is about.
We gathered suggestions from a number of men and here’s a list of their best ideas. Of course, not all of these items apply to all men, but perhaps something here will hit home for you.
Again, these items were sent to me by other men, not by wives.
- Stop acting like the battle is won in pursuing and getting to know your wife. Have fun together, just like you used to do before you walked down the aisle.
- If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, stop treating her like her work during the day is somehow less strenuous or less important than yours.
- Stop working so much. Find a healthy balance between work and family. Your wife would rather have you than a big house, nice car, etc.
- Stop acting like you’re listening when you’re really watching TV.
- Stop allowing the spiritual leadership of the family to default to your wife.
- Stop being a closed book. Open up to your wife. Don’t be afraid to show emotion.
- Stop allowing your role as leader in the home to be an excuse for selfish behavior. Don’t forget that a true leader also serves.
- Stop dishonoring your wife by criticizing her in front of your children or in public.
- Stop using your size and strength and anger to intimidate your wife and children.
- Stop saying you’ll do something and then procrastinating.
- Don’t purchase any major item without first discussing it with your wife.
- Don’t allow your eyes to linger on beautiful women who pass by. You can’t help the first look; it’s that second, longer look that you need to avoid. (And if your wife notices, don’t lie to her and say you didn’t see that woman. Just admit you looked.)
- When your wife tells you about a problem she’s having, don’t immediately try to solve it. She may just need you to listen to her.
- Stop treating your wife like a child. Remember that God has given her a wealth of experience and information that you need.
- Stop feeding your sexual desires from any source other than your wife.
- Don’t look up old girlfriends on Facebook.
- Stop putting a number on how often you should enjoy sexual intimacy.
- Stop acting as if you have a GPS programmed into your brain. Before you go somewhere with your wife, get the right address and find out how to get there. If you are lost, don’t hesitate to get directions—from your smartphone map, even from a person.
- Don’t make fun of your wife to other guys.
- Don’t allow guy-only activities (like playing golf, basketball, etc.) to rob you of leisure time with your wife and kids.
Some will say that lists like these are “too negative”—that this is an example of “trashing” men. Here’s how I see it: If you are coaching your son’s Little League team, you’re going to teach him a lot of positives—how to hit, how to throw, what base he should throw to when there are runners on first and second. But you also will need to get him to stop doing things—like swinging at bad pitches, or jogging to first base instead of sprinting.
Sometimes we need to know what not to do.
© 2014 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.
Now that you know some of the things you shouldn’t do, check out “What Every Husband Needs to Know.”
Listen to “Ten Questions Every Husband Should Ask His Wife” on Familylife Today … then ask them to your wife.